The Anti-Valentine’s Day Game List
Happy Valentine’s Day! This greeting and holiday has been associated with love since the 17th century and earlier, but its origin from beginning to what it is today is….unorthodox.
SOME HISTORY AND CONTEXT
The day’s namesake, St. Valentine, is actually the source of argument. There are three historical figures who could receive credit for this day. Likely they’ve all been rolled into one all-encompassing St. Valentine.
Valentine the Priest – He continued to perform marriages even after Emperor Cladius II outlawed marriage for young men on the grounds that being single made men better fighters.
Valentine the Bishop – Beheaded outside of Rome
Valentine the Jail Bird – Valentine was jailed for helping Christians escape Roman prisons. It is thought he fell in love with the jailer’s daughter, leaving her a letter signed “From your Valentine.”
It took 200 years before Valentine’s Day was officially proclaimed. The Catholics definitely were in the spirit of love and not just trying to stamp out a pagan fertility ritual that occurred at the same time each year. *wink
WHAT ABOUT THE GAMES?
Valentine’s Day doesn’t always evoke the best feelings in people. You might be without a significant other. Or you might just think the holiday is a dumb cash-grab. And if either of these happen to be you, fear not! We have a board game list for you! Presenting THE ANTI-VALENTINE’S GAME LIST! Were you hoping for a more traditional Valentine’s games list? We’ve got your covered here.
DEADLY DOWAGERS
In Deadly Dowagers, you are a Victorian-era damsel looking for love a path to becoming a duchess. The best way to catch the eye of the Duke is a hefty dowry. Unfortunately for you, there’s not one lying around, so you’ll have to make your own.
Deadly Dowagers has you playing cards to attract a husband, then earn his wealth by killing him off in the least obvious way, lest you attract infamy. Because, while your Duke loves cash, he doesn’t like a lady with rumors following her. Three, four, or five husbands in, will you have amassed enough wealth to wash your red hands of their dirty deeds and marry one final time?
ABOMINATION
If you work hard enough, true love will come to you. And, if you’re Frankenstein’s Monster, if you threaten scientists enough, they will create a partner for you to share all your days with.
In Abomination, you take on the gruesome task of collecting body parts in order to rebuild a monster of your own. Find the right “ingredients,” construct body parts, then throw the switch to let luck (and electricity) decide your Monster’s fate.
No one ever said love isn’t messy.
LOVE LETTER
You are trying to woo? — partner? — help? — join? — the Princess! (Kind of unclear as to the why.) What better way to get her attention than to have someone deliver your letter to her. But who to trust?
You begin the game with one card, drawing another on your turn. Choose one card to play, enacting that person’s power. Will you be safe from attacks thanks to the Handmaid? Or will you take out a rival with the Prince? Wait, is the Prince her brother? Or is he married to her already and this all one big game the two of them play? Why is the Baron so terrible? Love is so confusing.
MARRYING MR. DARCY
Nothing says love like battling your sisters and friends for the hand of a dude who just wants to make sure you have the right stats to catch his eye.
Marrying Mr. Darcy is a simple card game where you vye for your heart’s affections (and betrothal). While this game might seem boring or only for Pride and Prejudice fans, it is a hoot if you play it with the right mindset (and friends). Lean into that British accent. Call your friends names in old-timey English. The journey is the friendships and villainy you experience together along the way, not the hard-to-please suitors waiting at the end.
CULTIVATE
In CULTivate, you are a charismatic leader, hoping to bring your flock of followers into the fold in order to help you better the world (in the way you see fit). You’ll play cards to entice followers, steal people from other compounds, or sic investigators on them.
A puzzle at its core, but a take-that game at its frosted edges, CULTivate will have you plotting and cussing your way to victory. Is there any other kind of love as true and deep as that of cult leader and follower?
COURTISANS
Courtisans, different from Courtesan (looking at you, Moulin Rouge), is the French word for Courtier. A courtier is a person who attends a royal court as a companion or adviser to the queen or king.
Courtisans has the best tagline for a game: “When the Queen holds her banquet, skullduggery is on the menu!” You are constantly jockeying for position, trying to help the family you allied with, all while thwarting advances from the family you’d rather fall. It’s back and forth, give and take, victory and defeat. Just like love…
WRAPPING IT UP
That’s enough to get you started. What games would you add to our Anti-Valentine’s Day List?
Here’s to Valentine’s Day, however you may celebrate! Kiss your significant other, eat a whole bag of Sweettart hearts, play all these board games. Just know that we love you. And you love you. And that’s enough!
